Monday, January 26, 2009

Would You Like Fries With That?

Speed bumps suck.

You're driving along minding your business, possibly speeding, possibly not, jamming out to your music of choice (I prefer John Mayer or Muse), and right when you get comfortable with your driving situation the man throws a speed bump in your face! Crapola! You have to slam on the breaks to prevent your front-end from being completely ripped off, and if you drive a happy little Integra like me, you smack your freakin' head on the roof! Serious suckage.

So where is this rambling going, Cill? I'll tell you where. To a super-awesome-scintillating simile! Yay similes!

Life's' trials are like speed bumps.

You're crusin' along in your happy little vehicle going a steady 63 MPH (just ask Ferris, life moves pretty fast). The road is straight, and you are jamin' out to your life's soundtrack. Just when you roll down the windows to take a good whiff of this city's aroma, the man throws a speed bump at you! Ugh! The car looses traction, and slides off the road into a dirt road with a rusted yellow sign that says "detour." You start down this unknown road hoping that the bumps will soon smooth out and you can get back on the paved road once again.

I have currently hit a life speed bump. Certain circumstances with the Museum have forced me to quit, and starting next week I will be ... gulp...unemployed.

That's right. I will soon be joining the ranks of all those out-of-work individuals competing against one another for the few jobs the economy is offering right now. So many places are cutting back on employees I wonder if I will ever find a suitable job! I have taken to revising my resume daily and stalking certain employment sites like a hawk, attacking prey the moment a job is posted. It's pathetic.

So far nothing has come through. I am either too unqualified for some positions (what do you mean I can't be an Program Coordinator for a hospital?), or the jobs don't work with my school schedule (which is set in stone until the beginning of May). So here are the phrases I've begun to practice just in case worst comes to worst:

"Okay sweet cakes, what'll ya have? More cwafee for ya?"

"Dang, who could've clogged a toilet THIS bad?!"

and the ever popular, "Would you like fries with that?"

No! Not McDonalds! Anything but that! Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and I'm sure that some level of good will come from my lack of money-making-ed-ness. But until that time comes I just have one question for you...

...can you spare a $20?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Star Wars From Bits & Pieces

My friend Tiffany had this on her blog and I thought it was freaking hilarious! I'm still laughing my guts out over it. Check it out!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I Need a Little Space...

Bob and I got in an argument! I know! I can barely believe it myself. But don't you worry, it was nothing of a serious least intellectuals would tell you it was petty. I beg to differ, smarty pants!

Here's how the story goes:

I was online updating my resume for a number of reasons, and while Bob and I were proofreading it, he took my double space after a period and deleted it. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I had a minor freak out. What did he think he was doing? You ALWAYS leave two spaces after a period, don't you? According to Bob, you only leave one space after a period.

One! No Two! Dude, it's One! Nooooo, I totally remember being taught that the proper way is TWOO! ONE! TWO!

One? Two? One? Two? Ugh! Who is right?

Time to consult the all-knowing being of greatness: The Internet. Too bad that didn't help at all! Some places said one, others said two. But the main argument rested on these two points:

Two spaces were originally used for typewriters. The typewriters had mono spaced fonts, and you needed the two spaces for the eye to pick up a new sentence. Also, two spaces tends to be more pleasing to the eye. Nowadays, fonts are adjusted, and one space is sufficient. With publishing companies, space is money, and those extra spaces after a period need to go! Also, many computer programs will only put one space after a period no matter what you type.

So, alas, we came to no answer. I can't seem to stop typing without my trusty two-spaced break after a sentence, and Bob is stern that I'm wasting a precious space.

So what do you think? One space or two? Personally, I like to think that a little space never hurts.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

So Sorry For Your Loss...

For all you Alabama fans out there, I am sorry that the Utes kicked your trash yesterday. We truly meant to only smother you a tiny bit, but decided to do a full body slam after the success of the first quarter.

So go crying to your BCS mommy all you want, Coach Saban, but I think it's been proven by the 31-17 domination led by QB Brian Johnson that it's time to let the Mountain West join the all-exclusive BSC club. Go ahead and keep whining how your team didn't play like they usually do, goobering over losing Andre Smith when the oh-so-intelligent left tackle was in contact with an agent (Real smart, Smith. Are you beating your head against the wall, now? Maybe you should think about following the rules like all the Utes did next time), and saying it was all your fault, and blah-blie-freaking-blah, but I suggest you start giving Utah some credit. We busted into the BCS TWICE, we were the underdogs, we won fair and square on our own merits and not because your team just wasn't up to snuff. Oh, and don't you think the Utes should share the National Championship? Sure we didn't play Florida or Oklahoma, but without a playoff, you gotta look at the stats. Only undefeated team in the nation? Yeah, the resume says it all.

The Utes are Number 1. Period. You wanna argue with me? Go right ahead. The stats don't lie, and until you allow us a fair chance to prove ourselves to you high-and-mighty football folks, you better give us the credit we deserve... SUCKAS!