Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

A couple years ago, my sisters and I had a collaborative blog: It Has Raisins In It. We commented on the oddities of daily life and composed many "mostly non-fiction" accounts of our experiences. With it being the new year, I considered writing the classic 'resolution' blog post, but have decided to refer you to a younger, wittier Cilla. Behold:

It's Not You It's Me
(Originally posed January 31, 2008)

At the end of the year I try desperately to come up with a couple bad habits to change for the following 12 months. Every year I try to make things work between me and resolutions, and every year I am bogged down by my lack of decision-making skills (nunchuck skills and computer-hacking skills I've got down!). So after yet another January of fighting with commitment, I have decided to break things off with resolutions.

Resolutions and I never really agreed on anything. In end-to-end traffic, he would tell me to be patient. I would then proceed to curse at the old couple moving slower than a herd of turtles in front of me. He takes 2 steps forward, I take 2 steps back. We do not go together, Paula Abdul! You dance on a floor of lies!

Resolutions and I had some good times [insert puffy cloud border and heavenly harp strumming here]…

- Using "schnykies" or "pork chop sandwiches!" instead of other profane exclamations after stubbing my toe on magically appearing stumps and pebbles.
- Swearing off soda pop…except for Sprite, and Coke, and Root Beer, and Dr. Pepper.
- Reserving heavy ridicule and mockery for those my own size – shirt size that is.

Now that resolutions and I have separated, I don't feel guilty on keeping all the bad habits I have now. Maybe I'll even pick up some more! Thank goodness for great role models like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan! Without them, I would never have known that keeping all your same destructive behaviors is attractive and gets you attention. I'd also like to thank Rehab. Without it, I would never have the audacity to create irresolutions. And without Amy Winehouse, I would never know how to say no, no, no to rehab (and how to work blonde hair with inch-thick eye liner). A toast to you both! (Pun fully intended).


So here are 5 of my New Year’s Irresolutions…a month late, but worth the wait.

# Uno: One word: Addiction.

My addictions compose my personality. As far as I'm concerned I do not intend to quit them. How would I keep up on my current pop culture without reading crappy magazines and watching countless hours of Best Week Ever? My ever-present smile would surely hide under blankness if I could not get my daily dose of YouTube. In fact, I think I will pick up on a new addiction. I already have an obsession with Guitar Hero, so why not develop a full addiction to it? What a brilliant idea! Here is my plan:

First thing tomorrow I will go to Game Stop and purchase all three guitar hero games and miscellaneous Scratch n' Sniff stickers to decorate my guitar and set it apart from the others. I will then being to play 24/7 while only taking breaks to watch the latest YouTube videos and take time to expand my 'tight and shiny' wardrobe. Once I become an expert guitarist and score 1 million points, I will surely be signed by a record label. It's too bad that I will let the glory of Guitar Hero greatness go to my head, and force my band to break up after only releasing 2 platinum albums. My despair of the breakup will lead me to a 'minor' drinking problem. I will attempt rehab a few times, but will relapse back into insanity after each treatment. I will probably spend the remainder of my life on the B list, surviving by starring in partially scripted reality shows and playing gigs at retirement homes for old people with names such as Gertrude, Gilbert, Percival, and Henrietta. I will die at home in front of the television with my heavily scented guitar in hand, dreaming about the glory of being in the biggest Guitar Hero band of all time.

Thank goodness for spontaneous purchases and purple spandex pants.

# Dos: Three Syllables: My Burping.

For those who have heard my burping expertise, congratulations. You have witnessed art. A kind of Picasso/finger-painting while missing a few fingers style of art. It’s so modern, it’s futuristic! Anywho, this will be the year that I receive global recognition for my talent…

...by competing on American Gladiators. I have already considered the fact that I only weigh in at a lanky 120lbs, and that when I flex, my bicep plops down instead of up (dang you, Gravity!), but I am still confident in my ability to win. You see, I will not rely on my physical body to push Helga or Mayhem off the platform with those over sized Q-Tips. I will reach deep inside my abdomen to produce a bomb-sized belch. The shock wave from my burp will send the opponent flying into the sweat-filled puddle of death-water 500 feet below. Success! From there, I will be asked to perform on many talk-shows. During a filming of Larry King Live show, I will become intimidated by Larry’s teal bow tie and fuchsia suspenders…so intimidated that I cannot burp! Only hiccup! Larry will boo me off the set, and I will develop a minor drinking problem. I will drink my sorrows away, and spend the remainder of my life on the C list. They will find me dead at home with a handful of Q-Tips in my hand, as I dream about the glory of being the best belcher of all time.

Thank goodness for Root Beer and Scotch.

# Tres: Quotes, Quotes, Quotes.

My spontaneous quoting shall continue. Speaking of which, I don’t know how you tell you this, but I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. I have many leather bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I'm Miss Priss?

Thank goodness for Will Ferrell movies.

# Cuatro: Papers. Pain. Procrastination.

I fully intend to continue to procrastinate as much as humanly possible this year. If I have a paper due at 7:00am, I will begin to write it at 11:59pm that night prior! I don’t care if I get all shaky and twitchy from liters upon liters of Mountain Dew, spelling is overrated anyway. I am so set on leaving everything to the last minute, that I think I'll finish this post tomorrow…or next Thursday…or more likely the last week in December.

Thank goodness for caffeine.

Winter Awesomeland

Holy Guacamole! There is so much that has gone on this winter break. How about an update in pictures? Sounds good to me!

November 19 - 1 year engagement anniversary. Bob had his wonderful sister Mariah arrange a gorgeous rose heart for me! All together now...awwee!

When Bob proposed last year Mariah had arranged a huge heart of roses with the ring box in the middle. Kudos for Bob for making a miniature arrangement 1 year later.

December 11 - My 23rd birthday. The entire day was simply wonderful. We finished off the day with seeing The Princess & The Frog. We enjoyed it lots and lots.

November 19 - Neve family pictures at the Capitol. Even though we started a little late, the pictures turned out beautiful! (P.S. the last two were taken with my camera...)

As we were leaving the Capitol the fog was almost completely covering the dome. Very eerie and awesome.

December 25 - Our first Christmas married! Do you like how attractive we are just after waking up? Also, for the past few months whenever Bob asked me what I wanted for Christmas I would say "A Puppy!" (even though I know we can't have one). Bob, being the adorable thing he is, got me a stuffed Dug from Up! My Christmas wish did come true. I got a puppy.

December 31 - January 2 - Ringing in the New Year in Bear Lake. Our friends Michael David and Kassidy Mather invited us up to Bear Lake for New Years. We spent the weekend eating, reading, playing video games, and playing board games. It was muchos funos. We even attacked the mountain with some extreme sledding. Very cold, but very adventurous.

Dear Journal,

Last week Bob and I stopped at my parent's house to grab some Christmas decorations we had stored in a closet. While we were going through stuff, I found my old journals. Oh boy, were these fun to read. Let's just say that I was a rather dramatic adolescent and that my grammar has come a long way from where it was. Here's a bit of entertainment from March 6, 1998. (Keep in mind that I am typing this EXACTLY as it appears in my journal. For extra effect, I wrote it in orange pen and will therefore type this in orange):

Dear Journal,
I am sick and tired of mom and dad do this do that. Well I don't know when I don't know How but I am going to run away I will pack blanket, quilt, plenty of clothes, watch, scriptures, you, hair stuff, food, lots and lots of mony over 1,000, House keys, bike & lock, backpack Mom's signature, dad's signature, Pens, Pencils, 1 or 2 extremely long books, winter stuff 1 or 2 toys, mainly just food and matches (for fire), I would sneak out at nighttime (2 in morning), pillow, I would dig out the bottom of a tree and, who am I kidding I wouldn't survive winter. Well I gess no matter what I do I AM STUCK AT MY HOUSE WITH MY INNOYING PARENTS!!!

Oh boy, calm down 12 year old Priscilla. This must have been a very 'innoying' day indeed for me to plan my runaway! Just a few comments I find particularly hilarious:

- This journal entry is nothing but an extremely long run-on sentence. I guess in the heat of the moment I had not need for periods.
- My random list of items. I especially love that was planning to talk about taking my parent's signatures with me. I guess I'll have many opportunities to forge their signatures while living in my tree.
- The fact that I am going to live in a tree.

Anything else you find hilarious?

Only Me

Yet another unfortunate event that would only happen to me:

My sister called me last week to ask if I wanted to get my eyebrows waxed with her. I never turn down a good bit of pampering so we made an appointment at our favorite spa. Later that evening we walked into the peaceful atmosphere of the Sego Lily Spa to receive our newly quaffed brows. I grabbed a quick mug of hot cider before being called to the room, and as my 'therapist' escorted me back, I took a quick sip of the cider. HOLY HELL IT WAS HOT! I burned my tongue soooo bad. And of course the lady asked me a question afterwards with me unable to talk. Nice.

So she begins to tweeze, trim, and wax my brows while I'm trying to keep my tongue from touching the roof of my mouth (owie!). The waxing hurts as usual, but my skin feels especially tender after she's done. Oh well, it happens when you rip hair out of your skin. So I head home with my ruby red eyebrows blazing for all the world to see. I get home, show my beautiful eyebrows to The Bob and kinda forget about the whole ordeal.

Upon getting ready for bed (you know, putting on jammies, flossing, brushing teeth, washing the face) I notice that right under my brows the skin is really raw and tender. And I mean raw! I call at Bob to come in the bathroom to confirm my suspicion. Bob agreed that a thin layer of my skin was ripped off during the waxing. Yikes! So it pretty much looks like this, but a little less severe:


I had a wedding shower for my friend Mackenzie the day after (Saturday) and seriously used a ton of makeup to try and camouflage my sad eyelids. It worked fairly well, but not perfectly. So today I'm at school with my now-scarring brows hoping that nobody notices. I'm even wearing my glasses to help make it less noticeable. Sad day.

So needless to say it's going to be a while until I get my eyebrows waxed again. Yes they look great, but I'm not a fan of this ripped-off skin bit. I think next time I'll get them threaded. Keep the look, keep the skin. Good philosophy.

P.S.
On a completely unrelated side-note: The Utah-BYU rivalry game this weekend was horrible to watch. Both teams were playing so dirty, and the refs were definitely one-sided. Not to mention Max Hall's nice commentary on hating everything to do with Utah. In case you missed it it went a little like this:

"I don't like Utah," Hall said. "In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, I hate their fans, I hate everything.... I think the whole university, their fans and their organization, is classless. They threw beer on my family and stuff last year, and they did a whole bunch of nasty things, and I don't respect them, and they deserve to lose."

Doesn't saying that the entire school is classless kinda make you classless, Max? Kinda hypocritical if you ask me. I'm a big-time Ute fan, and this comment went way too far. It's pretty sad that Max Hall hates me and all my comrades. Oh well, at least we didn't embarrass our school. My rebuttal to this statement? "You stay classy, Utah!"

I Smell, I Smell, WINTER!

Winter: "You smell me?" (said like Ducky from The Land Before Time)

Me: "Why yes winter, I do indeed smell you. And let me tell you how much I enjoy it. You smell like apple cider, gingerbread cookies, pine trees, and pumpkin pie! And boy, do I love me some pumpkin pie!"
Unreal conversations aside, winter is definitely here! I always have mixed feelings about this season. I love the look of snow; seeing everything blanketed in white is simply gorgeous! I also love sledding, skiing, and playing in the snow. I like getting bundled up on the couch with hot cocoa and a good novel. I especially love how everyone seems just a bit more thankful and giving around this time of year.

Mmm...hot chocolate goodness!

Even though I love all these things, there are still plenty of things about winter that I dislike. I really don't like driving during a white-out. It just scares me. I don't like scraping the ice off my car every morning (but thankfully this year I have a husband who can do it for me!). I don't like falling on my butt while walking to class. I don't like waking up to a cold apartment.

See? Winter driving is scary!

And believe it or not, I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas. I know, I know! Who wouldn't love the one day of the year that we get presents? I'm just not into it. I'm a horrible Christmas shopper. I always wait til the last minute (I'm talking Christmas Eve) to get shopping done. I'm always too worried about finals to focus on my Christmas spirit. I also feel like Christmas ends up way more stressful than it needs to be. I honestly could care less about oodles of presents. I just want a day of relaxation with my family in our jammies watching the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story and eating all the candy from our stockings. In fact, I'd love if we took a vacation over Christmas! Oh how much I'd love to spend a day at the beach over the break!

Christmas is just not my thing. I'm sure when I have a family of my own with kiddies I will be more into it, but until then, I think I might just hang out in my bipolar winter wonderland. Love it, hate it, I'm just not sure. Maybe this year will be different. Maybe winter and I will patch things up, make amends, buy each other BFF bracelets (Melinda, this reference is for you). And just maybe I won't be on my way to becoming the next Mrs. Grinch. Maybe.