Monday, January 26, 2009
Would You Like Fries With That?
Speed bumps suck.
You're driving along minding your business, possibly speeding, possibly not, jamming out to your music of choice (I prefer John Mayer or Muse), and right when you get comfortable with your driving situation the man throws a speed bump in your face! Crapola! You have to slam on the breaks to prevent your front-end from being completely ripped off, and if you drive a happy little Integra like me, you smack your freakin' head on the roof! Serious suckage.
So where is this rambling going, Cill? I'll tell you where. To a super-awesome-scintillating simile! Yay similes!
Life's' trials are like speed bumps.
You're crusin' along in your happy little vehicle going a steady 63 MPH (just ask Ferris, life moves pretty fast). The road is straight, and you are jamin' out to your life's soundtrack. Just when you roll down the windows to take a good whiff of this city's aroma, the man throws a speed bump at you! Ugh! The car looses traction, and slides off the road into a dirt road with a rusted yellow sign that says "detour." You start down this unknown road hoping that the bumps will soon smooth out and you can get back on the paved road once again.
I have currently hit a life speed bump. Certain circumstances with the Museum have forced me to quit, and starting next week I will be ... gulp...unemployed.
That's right. I will soon be joining the ranks of all those out-of-work individuals competing against one another for the few jobs the economy is offering right now. So many places are cutting back on employees I wonder if I will ever find a suitable job! I have taken to revising my resume daily and stalking certain employment sites like a hawk, attacking prey the moment a job is posted. It's pathetic.
So far nothing has come through. I am either too unqualified for some positions (what do you mean I can't be an Program Coordinator for a hospital?), or the jobs don't work with my school schedule (which is set in stone until the beginning of May). So here are the phrases I've begun to practice just in case worst comes to worst:
"Okay sweet cakes, what'll ya have? More cwafee for ya?"
"Dang, who could've clogged a toilet THIS bad?!"
and the ever popular, "Would you like fries with that?"
No! Not McDonalds! Anything but that! Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and I'm sure that some level of good will come from my lack of money-making-ed-ness. But until that time comes I just have one question for you...
...can you spare a $20?