I stole the stapler from work. It was my stapler, and money was withheld from my paycheck and I took my Swingline home, and um I did not receive three days of my pay and I would really like my paycheck, and that stapler is mine because my first boss bought it for me so I'm taking it home.
Seriously, folks. I totally took my Swingline stapler when I left the Museum. It may not be red, but it is mine.