Saturday, December 20, 2008

Stinky McStinkerson


Um. Confession time. I don't shower everyday. I'm sure you just responded with a resounding, "eeeewwwwwweeee!" Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you're reconsidering the high rank you once gave Cilla in your list of "Coolest people I've ever known in my entire life." But before you drop me from your #1 spot to #2 or even (gasp!) #3, let me plead my case:

I like to be mysterious. Part of that mystery includes occasionally skipping a shower, dawning some Zoolander approved 'derelict' attire, and slinking off to school. I like changing my look on occasion so people can look at me and think, "Gee, I wonder if that is a student or a homeless person wandering campus with her partially-bald Tabby cat named LiceTrap." Mua ha ha! The students will never know! But seriously, I do have a cat. She's a ornery little beast named Puddin who secretly plots to scratch me to death in my sleep. Personally, I think I'd prefer LiceTrap.

Aside from being mysterious, who doesn't enjoy going 'au natural' for a day or two...or three? The oils in your hair are able to penetrate your ends, you save some serious cashola on shampoo, and you save the Earth! Water preservation, baby! Yeah, so maybe I secretly want to be a hippie who doesn't shave her legs and spends hours in front of a lava lamp listening to Pink Floyd and saying things like, "totally euphoric!" I just can't seem to commit. So a good couple of days living the dream is better than none, right?

My third and final reason for not showering is this: I get lazy, and I like sleep. Therefore, I just prefer to skip the whole showering scene, grab some body spray, reapply some deodorant, and call it good. Seriously, folks, as long as we shower more than they did in the Dark Ages, we're good. Okay, maybe we should shower more than if you're not showering at least once a week, I'm concerned and no excuses will suffice.

So there we go. You may move me back up to #1 in your list. Sorry to scare you, but maybe you'll think twice now when you try to rearrange your cool list. I plan on showering tomorrow (always gotta shower on the Sabbath!), so I think I'm off to bed so I can allow some extra time for my ritualistic 5-minute shower 'snooze'. Next to stalking John Mayer, it's the best part of my day.
So goodnight, and may your showers be steamy and...uhh...bright? Yeah, we'll go with that.


Katelyn said...

I like to be lazy and sleep in too. Fight the shower power!

Caitie Miller said...

I do the exact same thing. I use the excuse that my hair is so delicate that showering every day dries it out. It might not necessarily be true, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Melinda said...

Well, you almost moved down on my list, but you managed to save yourself with your reasoning...I guess we can still have BFF heart bracelet power. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE 11TH! I promise I did remember your birthday on the actual day, and I kept meaning to call you, but I got busy and sigh....I'm sorry. Happy Belated Birthday anyway.