Thursday, July 9, 2009

Finding Middle Ground

"Take it easy!"
- Ignacio (Nacho)

Being a newlywed is not easy.

You think it will be all sunshine and joy and joyness but it is not quite that fantastical. Don't get me wrong, it is a fun, new, and exciting adventure. I have greatly enjoyed being married and having a new home with a man that I love.

But I wish that, like babies, newlywed life came with an instruction guide. There are so many things that you don't think of, and oh how a little booklet would help! (Especially if it had pop-up pictures!)

I wish it would have told me to lower some expectations and be satisfied with life.

For example, I wanted things to be perfect from day 1:

- I wanted us to be completely moved in after the first week with everything in its right place, and the apartment feeling like home...
...After a month and a couple weeks we still have boxes in the front room, pictures to hang up, and countless other chores to complete. Ugh.

- I wanted to calculate a perfect budget and make perfect lists of everything that we would need to perfectly stick to that budget...
...No such budget has made it's debut as of late.

- I wanted to get my name changed ASAP, get thank yous written and sent, and finished wrapping up things from the wedding...
...The stupid Social Security office is only open M-F from 9-4 and I work 8-4. I'll have to get off work early tomorrow to get my name changed. Boo. Did I mention that not 1 thank you has been written?

- I wanted us to get into a good rhythm of getting up in the morning, making lunches, planning dinners, spending equal amounts of time with each other as with friends and family, and still having an awesome summer at the same time...
...Umm... what was I thinking!?!

- I wanted perfection, and I wanted, no I EXPECTED it immediately.

And I didn't get that perfection. There just isn't enough time in the day to do everything I desired. After 7 hours of sleep, 8 hours of work, dinner, errands, home-improvement, laundry, and dishes, how did I ever expect to get it all done? My expectations were on a mountain, and my abilities were in a ravine.

I can't recall a specific moment or epiphany that triggered my change of mind, but a couple weeks ago something in me snapped. It was as if someone came up to me and shook some sense into me. I asked myself 1 simple question:

Why did I want all these things?

I had every blessing I could imagine: a good job, a caring husband, fun family and friends, food in the house, clothes on my back, and a wonderful life that was passing me by.

Since then, I have been attempting to find a happy medium between getting things done and enjoying the fun activities of summer. So far, it's working! I'm pulling my expectations down, and taking special care to enjoy this summer. Last week alone we went boating (first time wakesurfing!), fishing (also a first time for me!), to Bob's family's cabin with his siblings (not a first time, but still great), and up the canyon on Saturday to roast some mallows. Good times.

Our apartment is looking better and better each day! There are still a few more things to do, but I know they will all be completed in time. It's finally starting to feel like summer. (I know, halfway into July, and Summer finally hits me!) I am a happier, more laid-back person right now with high hopes for the rest of the year. As much as I know we both want to do so many things (camping, fishing, hiking, Lagoon, water parks, BBQ's, game nights, etc.), I am content with what will come from this summer...keeping in mind that the years ahead of us will be filled with countless time to have adventures.

Sheesh! Thank goodness I figured this out sooner than later! I could still be the crazy wife trying to perfect everything in her life. There is still the little Cilla in me nagging to get everything in order, but I'm working hard every day to keep her (fairly) quiet. Bob and I are continually working on improving our marriage through increasing our communication, support, and love with one another. Life is good.

Maybe I'll have to write a newlywed guide manual...


Avery said...

Priscilla your blog post makes me happy. No matter where you are in life it is so important to enjoy the journey rather then wait for things to be perfect. I glad you are having a great summer!

8_Moonblink_8 said...

Wise beyond your years!!! I know you're older than my but my marriage is older than yours.... and... what?

Caitie Miller said...

I had the same problem. Our budget lasted about 2 months; cooking dinner every night lasted about 6; and vacuuming has gone from weekly to whenever-I-get-around-to-it. They should post a sign outside the marriage license office that says "Warning: Sharp Learning Curve Ahead!"