Here is that amazing, wonderful, scintillating 100th post that I promised. Enjoy this story about a cat, a dog and a bad case of lice.
One sunny afternoon while the bees were pollinating many-a-rose bud, Kitty Meow Meow was enjoying a wonderful cat nap in the spring sun. Suddenly this cat nip-induced dream was interrupted by a large pinch on her leg. She woke up with a start exclaiming, “Meow! Meow meooow. Moooowewe wowie meowchie,” Which, when translated from Kitty-anese, means, “Holy cow! I feel like I want to scratch my skin off! Ouchie Meowchie!” After approximately 14 minutes of an epic claws vs. skin battle to the death, Kitty Meow Meow decided to enlist the help of Master Doggy Woof Woof to rid her of her debilitating condition.
Meanwhile, in the trenches of Kitty Meow Meow’s fat rolls (Kitty is a very obese cat but she will deny these accusations. She claims her fur makes her look poofy.) Louse Chomp Chomp was enjoying his third afternoon snack of Type O- Kitty Bloody Mary. “Mmm,” he thought, “I could drink this feline all day! Oh wait! I already have been!” Louse Chomp Chomp then let out the loudest, most evil laugh that his little louse lungs could manage. “Muahahahaha,” he shrieked and took another big gulp of Kitty Meow Meow’s sweet-tasting blood.
While waddling over to Doggy Woof Woof’s doghouse, Kitty Meow Meow stopped short. She could’ve sworn she had heard a soft squeak coming from her left knee roll. She shrugged it off and determined it was a delusion brought about by her intense need to scratch. When Kitty Meow Meow finally reached Doggy Woof Woof’s doghouse she was seriously out of breath and found him meditating in the downward dog position. Kitty Meow Meow, usually a considerate cat, couldn’t bear to wait for Doggy Woof Woof to finish his meditation session. The crazy need to scratch sent her into a kitty tizzy fit as she pounced on his arched back and started rambling in very unintelligible spits and squawks. Once again, when translated it can be best estimated that she said something like, “Master…itchy…woof woof… itchy leg!…help stop itchy…fat roll…need twinkie… MEOWCHIE!”
Doggy Woof Woof, of course, understood each poor hiss coming from Kitty. He remained calm as he used his Chinese chow chow powers to see what was causing Kitty Meow Meow so much grief. He knew right away that Kitty Meow Meow had a little louse lounging on her large, lardy leg. (Alliteration is fun!)
Little did Doggy Woof Woof know that at that exact moment Louse Chomp Chomp was drooling at the excitement of feeding off a fit dog in hopes of lowering his cholesterol (I told you, Kitty is a chunky one). Louse waited until the right moment when the cat and dog were close enough to each other to leap with all his might onto the back of Doggy Woof Woof.
Ready. Set. Super louse jumping power!
The jump was a success!
And that’s how Doggy Woof Woof got a bad case of fur lice and needed to be shaved of all his Chinese Chow Chow fluffiness. Shame.