Proof That I'm {Kinda} Witty

So, I kept struggling to finish that "10 Days of Cilla" baloney. I have other things that I want to talk about. So I've decided not to finish it. Instead, I will be providing you with proof that I am a wee bit witty. Not lots of wit, but a little bitty witty.

Here's my most recent story to tell y'all: Justin's Nut Butter (website found here) is an organic maker of all kinds of nut butter. Chocolate hazelnut, maple almont, honey peanut butter...holy cow they have so many varieties! I've gotta be honest here, I've never actually tried them, but my awesome sister loves all the flavors she's tried out. I trust her judgment.



So Justin's Facebook page has had a daily contest the past few days. The person who best answers a PB question gets a free tub of PB and a peanut butter cup. My sister won on Monday and tipped me off about this cool contest just in time for me to enter on Tuesday.

Here was the question: "Tell me about the world's largest PB&J. "

And my answer: "The world’s largest PB&J was created by the world’s smallest creatures: Moompa Foompas. The Moompa Foompas are close relatives to Oompa Loompas and hail from FoompaLand (a VERY small suburb in Grand Saline, TX). Moompa Foompas worship the p...eanut and hold an annual Peanut Butter Carnival (minus the creepy bearded lady and lobster-man) to celebrate the blessed union between these two spreadables. Last year, Master Foompa and his fellow Foompites decided to break the PB&J record for biggest sandwich previously set by Oklahoma City. It took approx. 5,389 Foompas to construct the 1,342 lb monstrosity. Sadly, due to the Moompa Foompa’s obsession with the peanut, they all perished from over-indulgence. Upon seeing the heaven-sent sandwich, folks in Grand Saline swooped in to take the credit from Guiness World Records to prove, once and for all, that everything really is bigger in Texas."

(As a side note, the largest PB&J really was created in Grand Saline, TX and did weigh 1,342 lbs).

That night I was overjoyed to see that they chose my entry to win! My award is a jar of Justin's peanut butter and a peanut butter cup! I've never really won any contests like this before, so you can understand why I'm so darn excited to get my free PB!



Moving on, I entered the contest again yesterday. I didn't think a person could win twice, but I still answered the question for kicks and giggles.

Question: "When is the next Peanut related holiday and how are you celebrating?"

(FYI: The next PB holiday is National PB&J day on Saturday)

My answer: "I, too, will be celebrating PB&J Day this Saturday. I expect my day to go a little like this: 10am: Make 10 PB&Js with Justin's fantabulous PB. Eat in 10 minutes. 11am: Make 11 PB&Js with Justin's chocolate hazelnut. Eat in 11 minutes. I ex...pect this to continue with all of Justin's amazing (and diverse!) flavors until a nut-butter coma ensues. I look forward to a 30-day hibernation period in which I will dream of frolicking through a secluded meadow scooping up handfuls of nut butter filled flowers. The only thing that will pull me out of this fantastic coma will be the aroma of a fresh deep-fried PB&J made with nothing other than Justin's classic Peanut Butter. I can't wait!"

I checked back this morning to see who had won, and was shocked to see that they chose me! Two days in a row, baby! Lady Luck was smiling upon me this week. I really needed this ray of happiness this week. I've been feeling down on myself lately - like I've been slowly losing little aspects of my personality that make me me. Grad school has put a big stick up my butt, and I've lost a lot of my muchness, my cilla-ness, if you will.

So here's a toast to proof that I still have the ability to put a smile on someone's face and take random facts and turn them into fun little bits o' fiction. That sounds like a cereal... Bits o' Fiction! Enriched with 13 chuckles and chortles. Now with 3 proven facts! Well, I think I'll end on that random note. Until next time, you stay awesome, internet.

10 Days of Cilla: Day 3

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight pet peeves.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

So on Day Three I was originally supposed to list eight ways to win my heart. Since Bob has already done this, I've decided to let you in on eight things that drive me bonkers. Here we go...

Bad Grammar. Why is this so hard for people to get right? We learned this in Elementary, folks. It's not that hard. Let me break this down for you:

1. Your/You're
"You're" is a contraction of "you are." See that little apostrophe? It's like a happy little reminder that "you're" is the fantastic offspring of two separate words.
--Example: "You're really stupid if you use 'your' as a contraction of 'you are.'"

"Your" is a possessive. You are the owner of the word following "your."
--Example: "Your bad grammar makes me want to club a baby seal."

See? You own the bad grammar! Let's move on.

2. There/Their/They're
Once again, "they're" is a contraction of "they are."
--Example: "See those grammatically incorrect comments on YouTube? They're clearly written by incompetent monkey-people."

"Their" is, much like your, a possessive! Yay possessives! Here's a fantastic example:
--Example: "Their bad grammar makes me want to club a baby seal."
See how I didn't use "they're?" That would have made the sentence read, "They are bad grammar makes me want to club a baby seal." Yikes.

"There" is referring to a place or idea. Easy enough.
--Example: "Heya, Cletus!? Do you see that thur girlie clubbin' them baby seals over there?"
See? Even BobbyRayJoeFrank can use the correct form of there!

3. A lot.
Two words, people. TWO WORDS! Do you write alittle? No. So please, for the love of all good things, put a space between those words. If I see another person write "alot" I will come to your house and shove a lot of junk mail into your mailbox. I might even make fun of you a lot in public and cover your Facebook page with a lot of ridicule about your crappy grammar. Thank goodness for Hyperbole and a Half, my new favorite blog, for writing this fantastic post. It has saved me from hurting a lot of people.

4. Speaking of grammar, teachers usually use correct grammar. Huzzah for teachers! You know what they DON'T do that makes me crazy? Fully erase the white/black board! I immediately stop paying attention if the teacher leaves those few smidgens of writing on the board and then write over it. Oh hell. This just kills me.

5. Hey guys and gals who are soon to be parents. Please don't say "we're pregnant!" Really, baby daddy? You are carrying a child in your belly? I think not. How about trying, "she's pregnant!" or, "we're expecting a baby!" Ahhh... much better.

6. It is a big pet peeve of mine when a cashier gives me back my change all wrapped up in my receipt. Do you know how hard it is to separate those two to put them in their respective places? It like these cashiers put magnets in both of them and expect me to use my magnanimous muscles to tear them apart. I get so self conscious when this happens, like the whole world is watching how I will attack this life-altering challenge.

7. I've worked as a glorified receptionist for about 5 years now. I've taken a lot of people's information over the phone and in person. There are a butt-load of things that bug me with these folks, but the worst is when people use 'o' instead of 'zero' when talking about numbers. O is a letter and Zero is a number. I know they look the same on the keyboard but they are sooooo different.

Example? Betty Lamesauce calls and I ask her for her phone number. Her response? "Eight-oh-one, ---, five, six, oh, three." The next time this happens I want to act all confused and pretend like I don't understand that she thinks o and zero are synonymous. That would be awesome!

8. Like most people, I am bugged by other people's bad driving. Not using turn signals, cutting me off, driving real slow. All really grind my gears. But the winner of the blue ribbon goes to people who turn on their turn signals and keep them on for the next 52 blocks. Each blink of that forgotten turn signal brings me closer to a seizure.

10 Days of Cilla: Day 2

Wow. I picked the worst day to begin this little assignment. I had crazy busy weekend and a crappy test yesterday. Sheesh! Well, here's Day 2 a few days late:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

***
1. I really like Vanilla Coke. Like really, really. I know I shouldn't be chugging down on sugared, carbonated beverages, but with VC I just can't help myself. It's even better when you can add the vanilla flavoring yourself (Thank you 7-Eleven!). I want one right now. I also want some Chicken Tikka Masala from Ganesh. Yum!

2. My parents call me "Willie." This always surprises friends when they come over to my house and hear, "Willie, will you grab me a fork?" Yes it's weird but so is my name. The evolution of this nickname goes something like this: "Priscilla Magilla" --> "Willa Magilla" --> "Willie Magillie" --> "Willie." Makes sense, yes?

3. I have a GINORMOUSLY HUGE fear of snakes. It's bad. I see snakes on the television and get the creeps. It doesn't matter if it's a harmless Garter snake or a freakish Anaconda. I will scream. I will run. I may pee my pants. I even get scared of branches and other debris that look like snakes. Now just watch. I'll probably die from a snake bite. [Shiver]

4. I love the 80s. Specifically 80s music and movies. I wish I had spent more time in this decade. Four years was not enough. At this very moment I'm basking in the glory that is "Dancing in Heaven" by Q-Feel. I think I need to change my ponytail to a side ponytail now.

5. I have an amazing ability to belch. I'm a big burper. A big, bodacious burper. My Aunt Lizzie and older sister taught me how to burp and I have been challenging the best ever since. I usually win. Usually.

6. When I find a song that I like I can listen to it over and over and over and over and over. This is usually when I grab some headphones so I don't drive my coworkers or the other students bonkers. I am currently on the 8th replay of "Dancing in Heaven." (See #4 above).

7. I feel tired all the time. I'm pretty sure nothing is medically wrong with me. I just like to sleep. I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere. Aside from the classic places like my bed and the couch, I am always falling asleep in class, in the car (not while driving, though!), while sitting in front of the computer and while studying.

8. I would love to live by the beach. I'm not a huge fan of the cold and snow and want to live in 70 degree weather year-round. Hopefully Bob and I can live in Cali or Hawaii sometime in our lives. That would be splendid!

9. It took me 4 days to finish this post. I have sold my soul to grad school and it's showing.

10 Days of Cilla: Day 1

My friend, Tiffany, had posted this on her blog. I couldn't resist a little 10-day blogging spree so here we go:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

***

1. I love you. You are my everything. I feel like the luckiest girl to have you in my life. Even though we have our arguments I know your heart is always in the right place. Thank you for working so hard to make our lives better. Also, lay off the video games some. I know you love them, but Maggie and I are selfish and want more of your attention. Also, please take me to the beach.

2. You are just what I need to come home to at the end of each day. I love that you are always excited to see me. I love when we cuddle on the couch. And while I love that you clean up after my left-overs, I DO NOT like that you have developed an appetite for Pepper's poopy. Stop eating it. It is gross. I still love you, but seriously, gross.

3. You are smart, beautiful and awesome. You are a wonderful person, but you need to let others help you every once in a while! I admire that you want to be an independent, super-woman, but I know you would be happier if you let others into your life more.

4. Stop bragging about your awesome family, all the money your family has and the fact that you've been all over the world. It doesn't come across as impressive. It makes you sound cocky. And I know you have the potential to be a sweet person. Live up to that potential.

5. Why did our friendship just stop? I feel like you have this new life and don't want me a part of it. I miss you lots and lots. Remember all those times when we were inseparable? I miss that, too. I wish we could go back to those days.

6. Material possessions cannot go with you after you die. You have an amazing family and should be thankful to be so blessed! I promise relationships can make you more happy than any 'thing' ever could. I love you and only want you to find true happiness in your life.

7. Your boyfriend creeps me out. I think you are amazing and can do much better. (Sorry boyfriend). I also miss you. You should ditch boyfriend and come hang with me! Tell your sister to call me as well.

8. You are one of my best friends! I think you are completely and undeniably wonderful. Every day I pray that you find happiness and that a man will come and sweep you off your feet. You deserve to be happy and I hope that you are finding that each and every day. And, most importantly, you gotta let him hear it sizzle!

9. You are hilarious! Some people say we look like each other. So whatta ya say? Wanna switch places for a day? Or a year? I can be funny, too...sometimes.

10. I miss you a lot. I'm sad that you never got to see me graduate or get married. I know that you are watching after my loved ones who have passed on, and it's comforting knowing you are watching me from Heaven. I hope I'm making you proud and look forward to the day when I can see you again.

***

Wow! That actually felt really good. Very liberating. I hope this doesn't create an honesty monster in me; making me blurt out everything that's on my mind. (Should I have used a semicolon there? (This website is only a minor help when teaching me about semicolons). Why does honesty hurt when it is a good thing? Deep questions to ponder. (Except the semicolon thing. I'm not one to stay up late thinking about punctuation...or am I?)

Well, until tomorrow, happy Thursday, Internet! (Should I have used a semicolon there, too? Arrrghhh! I hate this!)