Friday, March 11, 2011

10 Days of Cilla: Day 3

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight pet peeves.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

So on Day Three I was originally supposed to list eight ways to win my heart. Since Bob has already done this, I've decided to let you in on eight things that drive me bonkers. Here we go...

Bad Grammar. Why is this so hard for people to get right? We learned this in Elementary, folks. It's not that hard. Let me break this down for you:

1. Your/You're
"You're" is a contraction of "you are." See that little apostrophe? It's like a happy little reminder that "you're" is the fantastic offspring of two separate words.
--Example: "You're really stupid if you use 'your' as a contraction of 'you are.'"

"Your" is a possessive. You are the owner of the word following "your."
--Example: "Your bad grammar makes me want to club a baby seal."

See? You own the bad grammar! Let's move on.

2. There/Their/They're
Once again, "they're" is a contraction of "they are."
--Example: "See those grammatically incorrect comments on YouTube? They're clearly written by incompetent monkey-people."

"Their" is, much like your, a possessive! Yay possessives! Here's a fantastic example:
--Example: "Their bad grammar makes me want to club a baby seal."
See how I didn't use "they're?" That would have made the sentence read, "They are bad grammar makes me want to club a baby seal." Yikes.

"There" is referring to a place or idea. Easy enough.
--Example: "Heya, Cletus!? Do you see that thur girlie clubbin' them baby seals over there?"
See? Even BobbyRayJoeFrank can use the correct form of there!

3. A lot.
Two words, people. TWO WORDS! Do you write alittle? No. So please, for the love of all good things, put a space between those words. If I see another person write "alot" I will come to your house and shove a lot of junk mail into your mailbox. I might even make fun of you a lot in public and cover your Facebook page with a lot of ridicule about your crappy grammar. Thank goodness for Hyperbole and a Half, my new favorite blog, for writing this fantastic post. It has saved me from hurting a lot of people.

4. Speaking of grammar, teachers usually use correct grammar. Huzzah for teachers! You know what they DON'T do that makes me crazy? Fully erase the white/black board! I immediately stop paying attention if the teacher leaves those few smidgens of writing on the board and then write over it. Oh hell. This just kills me.

5. Hey guys and gals who are soon to be parents. Please don't say "we're pregnant!" Really, baby daddy? You are carrying a child in your belly? I think not. How about trying, "she's pregnant!" or, "we're expecting a baby!" Ahhh... much better.

6. It is a big pet peeve of mine when a cashier gives me back my change all wrapped up in my receipt. Do you know how hard it is to separate those two to put them in their respective places? It like these cashiers put magnets in both of them and expect me to use my magnanimous muscles to tear them apart. I get so self conscious when this happens, like the whole world is watching how I will attack this life-altering challenge.

7. I've worked as a glorified receptionist for about 5 years now. I've taken a lot of people's information over the phone and in person. There are a butt-load of things that bug me with these folks, but the worst is when people use 'o' instead of 'zero' when talking about numbers. O is a letter and Zero is a number. I know they look the same on the keyboard but they are sooooo different.

Example? Betty Lamesauce calls and I ask her for her phone number. Her response? "Eight-oh-one, ---, five, six, oh, three." The next time this happens I want to act all confused and pretend like I don't understand that she thinks o and zero are synonymous. That would be awesome!

8. Like most people, I am bugged by other people's bad driving. Not using turn signals, cutting me off, driving real slow. All really grind my gears. But the winner of the blue ribbon goes to people who turn on their turn signals and keep them on for the next 52 blocks. Each blink of that forgotten turn signal brings me closer to a seizure.


Melinda said...

Your so smart. (ha ha, just did that to bug you.) Seriously though, I can't stand most of the things you named. I admit I am guilty of saying "O" for zero sometimes.

Also, I have a strong desire to watch Splash right now, play Sonic, and be captured by Nicholas on the trampoline. Good times. :)

Madison said...

I seriously laughed outloud at this post. You are hilarious!

Madison said...

I seriously laughed out loud at this post. You are hilarious my dear